i will be your lightning rod

I have been terribly, terribly remiss in not updaing more often. It’s not something that preoccupies me these days, partly because I’ve been seeking refuge in my house for the past week, but I’ll attempt to do better. Days seem to pass indistinctly and nothing really stands out once it’s over and each day seems shorter.

To at least make this post more exciting, though:


Just a reminder: this is the view from my front door! This should make me happy each day, shouldn’t it. It’s just so easy to grow accustomed to something, and stop seeing the modest glory. This was also one of the rare days of (a fascimile of) sun. (That’s the library in the distance. Isn’t it so far away from my house? This explains why I haven’t been online very much.)

Thursday was pretty special; it was a special topics day, which is a day completely set aside to explore a special topic. For us on Thursday, it was a kind of Challenge Day, where we were supposed to, well, pick a challenge and do it! Mine was to kayak 20 KM to Victoria and back – we didn’t actually manage to do it, because midway there Garth decided we were going too slowly to make it there and back before it got dark, so we changed course and headed for a point somewhere off the original route, a place called Esquimalt Lagoon, around 15 KM away, so in total it was just over 30 KM, in six hours. It was pretty sweet, if a little strenuous – I was all fired up on the way there and I tried to race forward, so it got rather intense (since I was using an expedition kayak and it was sea kayaking!!), and then on the way back, I was more concerned with enjoying my ride back so I took it at a more leisurely pace. It was gorgeous, though; fog was everywhere and it obscured the horizon and sometimes it felt like the world could tip right over and you wouldn’t even realize because the fog was bleeding into the water.


This was the group who went!


Our launching pad. It’s exhilaratingly tippy.


The mouth of the bay, I think. Everything was incredibly still, even the water in the bay.


You could be lost before you knew it.


This is the beach we stopped at, around 15 KM away from Pearson.


Handy driftwood! We also went to a bakery around 15 min up the road, and we feasted ravenously. Well, I did.


Pebbles-skipping was a side project.


I look ridiculously young here. That’s Larissa next to me!


This is Julie! She’s cool.


Yeah, this was what some parts of the trip looked like.


A GHOSTLY ISLAND. Does it exist – or does it not?


It was really incredibly gorgeous. I love being in a kayak on the sea. The waves were thrilling at some points, I must admit, though for the most part it was smooth-going.


Meditation~ Julie said (we had a secondary challenge to speak in French to each other on the entire trip. It mostly worked; we had pretty good conversations) that she felt like she could just step out of the boat and walk on water, that was how zen she felt. No, she didn’t actually do it.



It was a good experience, and I would love to have long kayaking trips around. It’s definitely a different experience from race-kayaking, and yesterday made me fall for sea kayaking a lot more. Surprisingly, I’m not aching too badly today, though I felt shitty this morning because I didn’t get to sleep early enough (another story /o\) and so I begged off my last block and my activity to crash for four hours. Also, kayaking is such a full-body workout, it’s awesome.

Among other things, I suppose life has been pretty uneventful. I spent the week slaving over my English essay (I am now on my fifth draft, seriously) because I apparently unconsciously decided that it was a Major Undertaking even though it’s just another class essay, and now I have a history essay due next week and my usual backlog of book, and in addition to that, next week is Chinese New Year, and tomorrow, the Chinese people in my house are going to cook a taster menu for the house meeting, so from buying food in the morning to cooking in the afternoon, the whole day is practically gone. The week ahead promises to be full of cooking as well, because I really want to make dumplings at some point, and in any case, I’ve already been cooking my own dinner for the past two weeks, and the past two days I’ve started on lunch as well, so this does not bode well for my continuing patronage of the caf /o\ At times, I feel a little bad about it, but it’s starting to feel more like a need to, and routine, as well, and I’m not spending significant amounts of money on food. It’s cheap enough to feed yourself if you cook your own meals and you portion things out and cook different meals with the same basic ingredients (here, it’s mostly meat, mushrooms, eggs and tofu, with some vegetables, but always the same through the week. It does get a little monotonous, but having spices do help. Today I made egg-mushroom fried rice for lunch and curry fried rice with beef for dinner.)

Part of it was because of winter break, but a large part of it is also, I suspect, the fact that I’m (still) suspended in a state of homesickness, and it’s not something as concrete as that word would imply, but more of the constant drifting of thoughts back home, and the keen awareness of somehing missing. Life isn’t bad, you know; I spent three hours last night telling Felix why I was happy to be alive, but my immediately accessible levels of excitement and energy are somehow flagging, and I feel like that’s colouring everything and I’ve somehow forgotten to keep pushing and to keep trying. So cooking has been comforting, at least for the missing home part. I have also been particularly eager to seize comfort in the loud company of others, usually people I have an easy affection for, because it pulls me up for a moment; also, it has been more difficult talking to people at home recently, through no fault of theirs, obviously. But sometimes I feel like that tiny bit of contact isn’t enough and I leave the conversation feeling worse ):

Still, you know – counting down from four months now, and I am holding on to the fact that these four months will be training and discipline and motivation and responsibility and all sorts of other Good Qualities, so that my return home will feel more tangibly like a well-deserved reward.

To be honest, I don’t feel like I’ve said anything very illuminating in this lj post, even though it’s been over a week since I last posted. I guess I have more things to say, but of enough a personal nature that I don’t feel comfortable leaving them public, so that’ll have to wait for another post. It’s almost half past one; I should turn in soon.


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