hi i’m alive!

But really really woozy for no reason. It snowed precipitously the day before in a huge rush that’s now blanketing the campus in a gorgeous skin of white.

I mostly wanted to post because I went to a really emotionally affecting cultural dialogue today. Someone from Libya talked about the recent internal conflict in Libya, over the refusal of the ruler, Gaddafi, to step down (he seized power illegally after assassinating the king and has been in power for over forty years without elections) and the current situation is pretty bad in Libya, particularly the capital, Tripoli. The army has been disbanded, essentially, and Gaddafi has hired mercenaries to arrest and shoot down protestors from helicopters and war planes, as well as actually going to houses on the street and shooting people who answer the door. Shops, schools, businesses are all closed, and international phone lines are down as well, though the Internet went back up.

There’s a lot more to the situation than even I know (just was looking at this article here), and obviously it’s not an isolated scenario – it’s linked to all the recent troubles in the Middle East right now, Tunisia, Eygpt, etc. and it’s not even that the violence is unprecedentedly brutal or widespread or novel, because it isn’t, but this just bought it a lot closer to home personally, obviously (a small part of the point of being here. I need to collect these and hold them close for fear of forgetting them.) Her parents and family are there, the people who began the protests (and are holding a major one tomorrow) are her friends, literally, and the mercenaries have been going up her street. It’s – emotionally something different when you know someone, disorienting to realize that – I don’t know what it feels like to worry about your country so acutely and directly, y’know.

I’ve been wanting to mention this for a while now, actually, but it just always slipped my mind. For HP, at least, I’ve seen all the emails on the India-Pakistan conflict, and eventually you guys are going to do the Arab-Israeli conflict (which is now taken off our History curriculum for next year D<!!!), I suppose, if you guys haven’t already, and religious fundamentalism & etc., but just – so there are people from Pakistan, Israel and Arab countries here, right, and if you have questions for them or want a particular perspective or just some kind of experience from them directly, I can always – pass a message, I guess.

Still feeling adrift, though finding little buoys to hold on to briefly. Still trying to understand what it is I am here for; the knowledge of my academic regression (today a 2nd year was doing normal distribution and I was all pang in the heart I am getting heart pain over math) is reflexively jittering me, even as a part of me looks at that agitation  I think partly is the relative absence of contact with you guys :l CT week is coming up, right, so I guess that’ll continue for a while yet, but good luck with that, bbs ♥! Project Week for me, so I’ll be Out & About (on an organic farm and then some loose work painting a mural and resting and cooking and regathering of thoughts). I keep reminding myself I only have three months left in this place, but I – have yet to muster the will power and the discipline and the strength to do something actively, constantly, about it. I feel like this entire LJ can basically be summed up on this constant self-haranguing and lamenting note, but – self-awareness is at least a consolation prize, on the list of human virtues.

This week has been really chilled out, though – I basically had no class the first two days, because I was sick and sleeping, and then we were snowed in and classes were a hit-and-miss. In any case, that’s the end of my interesting post. I ate two dinners today! Minorly epic things happened. Hope you guys are all well (:


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