Just had a great phonecall with (sorry I forgot to call the other time! /o\) and – sometimes I find myself with nothing to say, anymore, and this sensation of a loss of thought goes uncomfortably close to the one I felt when I first realized I lost my words, or that urge to write, I can’t even remember when. Sometime in J1? End of Sec 4? I hope I don’t run empty someday.
But talking to people reminds me of that feeling of having something to say, briefly. If I am to hazard a guess, I would say it’s the sheer expanse of the world that I suspect is hiding beyond my field of vision, based on the glimpses that I’ve seen, and all my self-assurance, my certainty have fled in the face of that overwhelming openness. Is that a sift for friends? The people that remind you of who you are and how you came to be that. At this moment, I have learnt to be content, if not accepting, of the shifting sands of friendship, that there is no one reason to be friends.
MORE CONCRETELY I have the craving for smoothies (long story – my mom called my legs tree stumps today, and dressing room mirrors are really not flattering and I have gone up two jean sizes, and I really want to eat something now) and I have just found a blender in my kitchen and I have blueberries and milk but I still need yogurt. I also just found out that the NTUC in Buangkok station is open 24 hours, so I am off to get some. And maybe more blueberries. Or maybe I’ll make mango lassi; I have mangoes too. I love that petty act of liberation.
I am trying to be more disciplined about replying emails, especially those in my work account. So far it is working.