Can I say I have found relative peace of mind?
Not really, but a couple of minorly exciting things have happened over the past few days, and I have my plate fuller, less imbalanced (I’d like to think). Still failing to be consistent with my updates, but I’m going to accept that foible.
- Sailing on Monday was incredibly exhilarating; it was a bigger group than expected, and I arrived late, so I was loath to set up a whole new Laser, choosing to hitch a ride on the Zodiac instead. There was a little twinge of regret because it was a brilliantly sunny afternoon with gusts of wind. Circumstances conspired, fortunately, and I was able to get on a 4-20 near the mouth of the bay when someone else got (unfortunately) whacked in the head by the beam. It was a great ride, though, because the wind was majestic, and the first year on the boat with me was in the trapeze and hanging out the sides to balance the boat when it heeled (tipped over on the side). It was actually physically tiring, keeping the boat right on the edge of the wind while running straight.
Here, have a line of dancing men to demonstrate my retroactive excitement: \o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o//o\\o\\o//o/
- Asia-Pac dinner on Tuesday exceeded my expectations completely, I must say. The food took a while to cook, but it was good (I made Mapo tofu and grilled pork with char siew sauce, mmhm – side note: my cravings for Singaporean food are overwhelming me). The caf actually got us so much food – giant slabs of pork, lots of chicken drum sticks, ribs !!! – which was so incredible. We actually had a pretty cosy dinner, I suppose, and strong-armed the first years into promising to make us food the next time, as per tradition, and ended off the session with an intense, impromptu karaoke session where we sang woefully terrible English songs really loudly and with a lot of pathos. (Think Someone Like You, Girlfriend, Call Me Maybe. Yeah.) But it was actually really hilarious, and oddly comforting, and I felt, for the first time, or definitely the first time this strongly, that elusive sense of connection. It’s nice to feel that – mostly for my co-years, but understandably so.
- It’s been growing, this insidious sneaking of affection for people. It hit me on Monday when D came to say bye to me on the docks before sailing. I knew he’d only be gone for a few weeks, at most, and in any case, I’ll see him again, without question, but it was still a little hard to let go. I hugged him twice. It felt like I should have known this, but with sudden clarity then, I was sure I would miss him, a tangible feeling instead of an intellectual certainty. Along with that realization came the extension that, hey, I actually like people here. A lot of people. I’ll miss a lot of people when I leave. Some more than others, of course, but compared to last year, where it felt like there was one sun in my universe (god, could I get any cheesier), now it seems there are multiple planets in the orbit. I suppose I am now the sun in this analogy. Or not. I’m not really sure – ok, moving on. So there are multiple planets, and some are, of course, closer than others, but there is no overwhelmingly dominant force in my life – not a consistently compelling one, at least. Save the times where I weaken a little to temptation, I must say I relish the freedom somewhat.
- Last Friday, a few of us went out to town~ (my first Friday out, how exciting!!) for the famous sushi boat and coffee afterwards. We came back at 12.30 am, thrillingly. It was a pleasant, very normal night out, except that normal is rather the uncommon here in Pearson. But I had lovely conversations on the bus with D, and during dinner itself, normal conversations about non-Pearson things. I miss that – I realized that night that there are some people on campus I like talking to partly because they challenge me to craft my words and articulate my thoughts precisely, to invest effort in the conversation.
- In my quieter, calmer moments, I think I am growing here as a person – undoubtedly. Sometimes it just feels like through a lack of discipline, I slip and fall behind. I do always get up again, though, and push forward, but it can be a little tiring. I spend January lazing around, mostly. Now February sees me trying to catch up on work, mostly non-deadlined work and ambitions that crowd into my life. Distractions surround me, but it is the personal ones to which I succumb most easily, as usual. For a few weeks now, I have been contemplating a mystery: last year I had objectively more occupations on my time – weekly Asian dinners, bike rides to Langford, nights spent with F, personal reading, extensive amounts of time spent in MCL dayroom; this year, I don’t do any of those anymore, regrettably, but I still don’t have a significantly increased proportion of free time, even though I go to less classes, too. I sleep more, that is true. But ! I don’t understand where the time goes. It feels like last term I was kind of a mess, and I’m finally getting my act together this term, but it’s – a little late now, isn’t it?
- Something else I am excited about too is a follow-up gender discussion happening next Wednesday. It’s a follow-up to the Gender Topic Day that happened three weeks ago, which was a great beginning to a discussion that many people enjoyed immensely and cathartically, but which I found a little irrelevant to myself, and a misnomer, at that – it was mostly about the binary sexes, male and female. But a few of us decided to do a follow-up, especially after the UWC-USA It Gets Better video, and I’m kind of – I learnt so much about alternative genders and sexualities from the Internet, and I feel like this is an issue barely explored on campus even though it’s fairly important, so next week should be exciting.
Something else that is exciting is lunch, which is happening now, so.