As common as this song is, it somehow struck a chord with me, the overlaying of male and female vocals.
I’m getting impatient with myself, my lack of motivation, lack of discipline – though a tiny token achievement this week is the fact that I went to all of my classes. Every single one!! I didn’t listen in a quarter of them, arrived late to at least a half, but still, I showed up. Now to only keep it up until Block Week, which shouldn’t be that hard, because that’s around seven more days of classes.
I’ve actually been getting more excited about the kayaking expedition. (I have to stop calling it a kayaking trip because it’s not as … relaxed as a trip. It’s an full-on wilderness expedition, complete with camping and gas stoves and minimal contact with civilization.) As loath as I was to return early to Victoria over Project Week, the time spent with the team was quite unexpectedly enjoyable, and going through the proposed route on Google Earth helped me visualize the five weeks. Yesterday, a group of us took kayaks out of the bay, where a light wind was rocking the currents, and it felt fantastic. The sun helped too, the sky clear enough that both the city of Victoria and the Olympic Mountains over in Washington seemed accessible, glitteringly sharp. I am starting to relish the anticipated peace of being in the thick of nature, the changeable sea shifting in all directions, the solitude and contemplation it’ll afford me. It won’t be easy, and I’m preparing myself for how dirty and gross things are going to get, but it is a kind of liberation, too, to be given carte blanche to look like shit. I intend to chop my hair off before that.
I am awaiting university eagerly – I see it as a chance to do a lot of things I want to, things I now know how to start properly, from the small issues like proper note-taking techniques and habits to the medium ones like cooking and planning and budgeting meals to the big ones like cultivating healthy and positive relationships with faculty and staff and engaging with my major(s). Also, I take a lot of comfort in knowing that wherever I eventually choose to go, I will have familiar faces around, both Pearsonites and people from home. These last two months and a half are what I need to justify the past two years, I think, in a manner of speaking.