swallowed by the sea

That song by Coldplay has been on repeat for – and here I am not kidding – three days straight. It’s driven my library corner study buddies almost nuts in the meantime, but thankfully (for them), I have relocated temporarily following our eviction from our austere study location in the far corner of the library, tucked behind imposing wooden desks. Exams begin in less than a week! I am much calmer now than say, five days ago; the edge of hysteria has worn off my days a little, following the rhythm of work, eat, sleep, gym, eat (/o\), but the end does not yet seem loomingly imminent. When the thought strikes, however, there is always that pastiche of feeling: a little regret, a little nostalgia, a little disbelief, but always, always, that exhilarating anticipation. With the way I’m starting to build myself up for university, I’m threatening to set myself up for disappointment, it seems, whether when I FAIL TO MEET MY CONDITION or university itself proves less shiny than the idea of it.

But that’s alright. We all need something to look forward to, no? Monday night was Culinary Arts dinner, to which I was so graciously invited, and Tuesday night was the (last) Asia-Pac dinner, which the first years cooked for the second years. They were both lovely, if a little understated, affairs, and it is always refreshing to socialize with Pearsonites normally, outside of Pearson. I look upon everyone more fondly in that context. On Monday, the group of us chilled a little before dinner, set up around the fire outside, played/watched pool after dinner and all throughout, talked and talked and talked. Tuesday night, the usual wild karaoke session, Passdowns, food. A few people cried. (I didn’t. But I was a little sad, I suppose.) Petty rivalries were forgotten for a blissful interlude.

These days I harbour a strange welling of emotion, all the more intense for its lack of direction. Uncomfortable, too, because I can’t assuage it with time spent with any one person – I want to hug everyone and yet no one simultaneously. This, of course, reminds me of the mind-body problem, the problem of dualism, in philosophy (: The whole is more than the sum of its parts, and so, so much more elusive. A little early to get maudlin, perhaps, but the end of Pearson would also mark the end of my brief residence in Victoria. Canada. I don’t anticipate returning for another few years, you know. I suppose there is always a tinge of sadness in departure, no matter how anticipated. We are exasperating creatures, after all.

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long

You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

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