you’re in a car with a beautiful boy

and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”

– richard siken, crush

Please, go help yourself. Of contemporary poets, there are a few names I cherish: richard siken, stephen dunn, margaret atwood. cyril wong, of course. then, a little earlier, edna st. vincent millay. Yesterday, at work, one of the temp staff actually knew who Margot et al. were (through LJ). I liked her instantly. She was vivacious.

Unrelatedly, with my words, I think, I’m in love with everyone. Compensating for my general misanthropism?

For the first time in a long while, I have a to-do list worth making. My job responsibilities at work have multiplied after yesterday’s management meeting, and it’s all a little captivating and scary. Any prospect of free time is dwindling quite rapidly, and I am left half-wringing my hands at all my ambitious summer goals, but I am better at squeezing things around my schedule than sticking to a generous one, anyway. For what seems like, admittedly, the first time in my life, my family is coming in as top priority. My internship ends anytime from mid-Aug to mid-Sep, but I’d obviously prefer the former. So many new concerns, debates, are arising from this new … ‘work thing’ I’m doing, and it’s … welcome, I think. What, I suppose, justifies this is the fact that I genuinely admire what this organization is doing, and amazingly, I think it fills a crucial niche in Singapore’s society, and to unschooled eyes, at least, their achievements in the past five years have been very impressive. I sat in on two meetings yesterday, in addition to the management one, one with a company whose services they were trying to hire, and another with a client who was trying to hire their services. The first was another vaguely social entrepreneurial group, locally-started, aimed at event management with a bit of a conscience, which was very heartwarming, if anything. The second was an international bank. Many, many, many learning points, one of which was about presentation, I guess. They shook hands with me like I was just another corporate member, so it behooves me to dress and act as one, yeah? Future reference. It must have been almost four hours’ worth of discussion, but it was intensely enriching. In many ways, the project-based nature of this organization appeals to me – it’s so much problem-solving. In business terminology, I suppose I’m writing this period off as part of my obligations to Singapore. At the same time, too, I’m learning about businesses and legalities (I’m going to be in charge of finances for the next two months, too, holy shit.)

It wouldn’t be so bad networking if you were doing it for a purpose that genuinely mattered. (Self-aggrandizement never falls close enough to the top of the list for me to overcome my innate reticence about … people, I guess.) A day of cold-calling today! Awesome :)


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