some deaths are polite and quiet

This piece is brutal.

It has been a curiously maudlin few days. The week has been mostly marked by my failed schemes to go windsurfing again (after Sunday), foiled primarily by the weather (and today, a series ofstupid incidents, the most crucial of which was my lack of cash/the club’s lack of a credit card machine). I see the world through a looking glass these days, it seems – everything appears at once clear and removed, sharp and distant. I find my thoughts pulling in dangerous directions, sometimes – what’s behind the glass?

But Sunday was a superlative day. It would only be a slight exaggeration to say I fell in love then. The learning curve for windsurfing is surprisingly gentle, particularly if one has some kayaking and sailing background, I guess, and the warm waters are encouragement in themselves. It was a windy day, and there were a few hours in which the wind picked up enough that it was unsafe for us beginners to be on the water, but it was a thrilling treat to watch the experts skim back and forth, riding the white-foamed crest like dolphins. (Speaking of dolphins, check this gif out:

It’s reassuring to know that even these graceful creatures lapse into clumsiness sometimes.)

The board is surprisingly easy to clamber and stand atop of – it was stabler than I expected – but all bets are off once you put the sail up and have to start manoeuvring. Still, I managed to stay on and ‘ride’ (i.e. feebly creep forward with) the wind for more than ten seconds, moving approximately an inch, which is a start, right? It’s a fantastic feeling. After my session was done – cut a little short by the approaching thunderstorm – I stood on the beach and watched the kite-surfers strut their stuff. Some were doing jumps with the wind, and it was breathtaking. How amazing would that be?

All my whinging about Singapore notwithstanding, at least the water’s warm. My aim is to be sufficiently decent enough at windsurfing that I can continue it in the UK, where the water will not be as kind to beginners. If there is one reason for me to remain in Singapore for the duration of summer, that would be it.

Other than that, my week has been very unproductive. I re-watched Goblet of Fire and watched Order of the Phoenix for the first time (how exciting!) and thoroughly threw off my sleeping pattern in the meantime. Here’s hoping this Saturday will break me out of this paralyzing inertia of negativity.

Edited to add: I don’t think this post really conveys how much I loved windsurfing. I was grinning throughout the whole course, and I have bruises all over my legs from where I hauled myself up on the board and my soles are all sliced up by the rocks and sand on the bottom. It was great. It was spectacular. I love the shifting coalescence of the sea. I really need to try diving next, but not in some bullshit semi-Arctic sea : P I’m thinking SEA, maybe next year.

My eyes are really, really fatigued. I’ve been sleeping so much, though.

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